hello there.
today i'm feeling inspired by the makeup at chloé's
spring/summer 2016 show; smudged eyeliner + curled lashes, natural puckered lips,
brushed up, undone eyebrows.
& a quote that has resonated with me lately.
as a teenager, i was always on the outsides of certain cliques.
whether i was in or out depended almost entirely on the whims of my
classmates. i was the one with acne and glasses, and i felt like i was
at their mercy. i felt uncool. i never felt quite good enough to stand on my own
two feet, and own who and what i was.
in short, i trained myself to feel ashamed of who i was.
it's funny how my high school mentality has stayed with me into my late twenties.
i still feel like that uncool kid, the one who tried way too hard, the one who
wanted other peoples approval.
i find myself, even now, trying too hard to sound interesting when talking to people.
i talk too much, too fast. i say things that, in retrospect, i shouldn't have.
it's a culmination of years & years of conditioning myself to believe that
i'm not pretty, therefore no one likes me and no one will listen to me.
i talk too much because i feel like the other person will quickly tire of me
and stop listening. like their interest will wane, and they will agree with the masses:
yes, she is uncool, she's not worth the attention.
i try and tell myself, now, that i am a different person. my skin has
cleared up, the glasses are gone. but that 'i have acne, i am hideous' mentality
has never quite escaped me. in a way, i hope this blog can help me
recapture that essence of who i am, & the style and aura i have always
wanted to radiate, but never quite figured out how.
but most of all, i hope this process will help to remind me that the only
person i need to impress is myself. the only person whose opinion matters
is my own.
so if that means holding my tongue when i'm way too excited to say something
(inevitably i will stumble over my words) then so be it.
if you don't say something funny or smart, it doesn't mean that you are neither.
it's an attitude of calmness that i need to instill in myself.
an attitude that says: you don't need to impress anyone.
you are enough.
as a teenager, i was always on the outsides of certain cliques.
whether i was in or out depended almost entirely on the whims of my
classmates. i was the one with acne and glasses, and i felt like i was
at their mercy. i felt uncool. i never felt quite good enough to stand on my own
two feet, and own who and what i was.
in short, i trained myself to feel ashamed of who i was.
it's funny how my high school mentality has stayed with me into my late twenties.
i still feel like that uncool kid, the one who tried way too hard, the one who
wanted other peoples approval.
i find myself, even now, trying too hard to sound interesting when talking to people.
i talk too much, too fast. i say things that, in retrospect, i shouldn't have.
it's a culmination of years & years of conditioning myself to believe that
i'm not pretty, therefore no one likes me and no one will listen to me.
i talk too much because i feel like the other person will quickly tire of me
and stop listening. like their interest will wane, and they will agree with the masses:
yes, she is uncool, she's not worth the attention.
i try and tell myself, now, that i am a different person. my skin has
cleared up, the glasses are gone. but that 'i have acne, i am hideous' mentality
has never quite escaped me. in a way, i hope this blog can help me
recapture that essence of who i am, & the style and aura i have always
wanted to radiate, but never quite figured out how.
but most of all, i hope this process will help to remind me that the only
person i need to impress is myself. the only person whose opinion matters
is my own.
so if that means holding my tongue when i'm way too excited to say something
(inevitably i will stumble over my words) then so be it.
if you don't say something funny or smart, it doesn't mean that you are neither.
it's an attitude of calmness that i need to instill in myself.
an attitude that says: you don't need to impress anyone.
you are enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment