rebecca

 

 

 

in·sou·ci·ance/inˈso͞osēəns,ˌaNso͞oˈsyäNs/

noun a relaxed and calm state : a feeling of not worrying about anything; lighthearted unconcern     'I’d say I’m French in my approach to beauty: I’m easy-going. Of course, I love to dress up. Who doesn’t?  But a year ago, I got really scared of all the toxic things that are in beauty products. I mean, I smoke, I drink, I’m not a vegan, I eat like a French person, so pretty healthy, but with ice cream and candy.'   - rebecca dayan, on beauty      lately i've been feeling a bit anxious - about my health, work . . life in general. the second i feel like something has fallen into place, it seems to magically fall apart not long after. i remembered this article from into the gloss that i read many years ago, and it reminded me of the attitude that i admire so much. this attitude of insousiance. even her body language exudes nonchalance. it's the complete opposite of how i'm feeling at the moment - generally worried about everything in my life. how i long to relax and feel at ease! but as many people who have been through chronic illnesses will tell you, it's difficult. . sometimes it feels impossible.



malgosia

 

have you ever paid attention to someone when they gossip or

speak harshly about someone?

their faces change . .their entire aura changes.

 

one thing i've learnt is that if i'm feeling horrible about myself

(and trust me, when you have on-going health issues, this happens fairly

routinely. .), i take it out on others: mostly in the form of gossip / complaining

about people and (unknowingly) feeling sorry for myself in the process.

 

this reminds me of an article i read about  malgosia bela, in which she talks

about the same phenomenon:

 

The older I get, the more I feel like myself. It’s like I don’t have to pretend anymore. I have a child and a family, and every year I become more comfortable with my own face, body, and character. I think that actually shows on your face. Even people who are very beautiful, but are jealous and mean, have this kind of grimace on their face all of the time, or they will say something ugly and the charm is gone. 

 

this is so true. and i think gossip and general meanness reveals more

about you than you'd like. things like insecurities and low self esteem.

that's not to say that i could realistically be positive all of the time, a little complaining

is healthy, especially if you're in a stressful situation, but it does remind me to

ask myself which part of me is hurting, which part of me is angry, before

i lash out.

 

if that sounds like too much work . . well, yes. it probably is a lot of work.

but the alternative is not examining your life, and not acknowledging your

fears and insecurities.

 

i reckon its worth the effort.